EXHIbIT A
The Book
Jurassic Jackass: The Uffizi Museum of Dysfunction
Book Synopsis
Welcome to Florence's most chaotic love story — and no, it's not hanging in the Uffizi.
It's unfolding in Francesca's actual life, where a handsome Italian man with the emotional regulation of a malfunctioning espresso machine drags her into a masterclass on avoidant attachment, delusion, spiritual theatrics, and artisanal self-sabotage. What follows is a masterclass in dysfunction.
Meet Jurassic Jackass: a man who can adore you, kiss you tenderly, panic, ghost, reappear, hug you for forty uninterrupted minutes, call priests, be the Philosopher of Nonsense, meditate for clarity he never uses, and confuse emotional safety with witchcraft — all in the same week.
Equal parts memoir, roast, and psychological safari, Jurassic Jackass transforms a real relationship catastrophe into a museum of red flags so precise that even his therapist gasped.
Francesca leads readers through curated exhibits of his chaos for public display, and reveals a man who is somehow both the Sistine Chapel and a structural hazard — Michelangelo on the outside and Windows 95 on the inside.
If you've ever loved someone who delivers Renaissance-level chemistry and caveman-level communication, consider this your survival guide for dating a man who needs therapy more than oxygen.
WHAT AWAITS INSIDE
Museum Highlights
Curated Exhibits
Each chapter is a gallery of dysfunction, carefully catalogued for maximum emotional impact.
Red Flag Gallery
A museum of warning signs so precise, you'll recognize artifacts from your own past.
Psychological Safari
Part memoir, part roast, part field guide to avoidant attachment in the wild.
Survival Guide
Practical wisdom wrapped in wit for anyone who's loved a beautifully broken human.